Dear Mahel,

I have never had the chance to give you a present ever since you left our former office. But then I remember how strong and precious words can be.  So in between these abundant and tedious weekly assignments, which is not as important as you are to me (lol), I decided to write how grateful I am to have you as a friend.

I won’t start with the first time we met. I’ll start with the second time. It was one afternoon in early December 2012. We just got accepted to our former office and we were required to undergo medical checkup and have our picture taken for our press card. I was with two of our colleagues standing in front of the elevator when it went “ding” and you walked out. You said hi. And then you looked at me, from head to toe, toe to head. And then you shook hands with the girl at my left, and the girl at my right: you literally, intentionally, skipped me. Not sure what I did. Not that it matters, though.

What’s clear was what went in my head at that time: “Bet my whole fortune, this guy is most definitely gay!” Ha.

But we never had a proper conversation after that. I never had the chance to know you. Until one day.

I remember I was sitting alone in a street fried rice stall by the office. Months after we started working. Suffice to say, we had it rough. I was feeling so blue, busy lamenting to myself how I was misunderstood. How I felt so low, how I was a failure. And then you came, stepping inside the tent, smiling from ear to ear.

When you saw me there, the first thing you said was, “Hey, are you okay?”

That very moment, I learnt how precious a simple question like “are you okay?” can be. Truly. No one asked me how I felt for months. They just assumed. They pinned motives to my actions without even bothering to confirm. I can’t blame them. It’s not their business to care about how their words affect others’ feelings. And most certainly, I must have my own faults and mistakes, too.

When you asked me how I was, nothing else mattered. Apparently it was all that I needed.

But you know what’s so funny? The question came from you. I was like, “Hey, I know how just a moment ago I thought I was the most miserable person in the world but if I had been you I would have felt like I was in purgatory or something. I wouldn’t even bother trying to brighten others up!”

I am not proud of saying this, but you had it worse than me even at that time. People told me how self-centered and manipulative you were — but what I saw that time was a good listener, a wise man, a genuine and selfless person. And funny, too. I remember how I hadn’t laughed so loud for weeks.

I learnt a lot of things that day. I learnt how strong you were. I learnt not to judge others without knowing them personally. I learnt not to listen to people’s baseless judgments, it might be a reflection of envy and insecurity.

And I decided I want to know you more, and I never regret that I did.

You are kind and never hesitate to help others. I lost count of how many times I am indebted to you. You are witty. You are extremely creative and a freaking good writer. And is a good journalist I look up to. You are a good singer. Would love to see you perform as Ariana Grindr (did I get it right?). You are bitchy. You are a legit attention whore, but it’s okay, it’s you. You are a loyal friend, a quality so rare this time and age. You are a walking contradiction: you can be extremely petty, but on many occasions, you show us how big-hearted and forgiving you are. You can be so tirelessly unconfident, but you possess a degree of confidence that can move mountains. You do brag sometimes, but you are humble too.

And you are a tough cookie. I don’t know how many times this life brought you down, you are always able to bounce back up. The wind is strong but here you are, standing tall. I am proud of you.

I won’t tell you not to change, you know. If this life was a fiction, you’d be my favorite character. You’ve had an amazing character development for the past few years and I know it comes from a long – if not hurtful – process. Change is good when it’s good. Be what you want to be.

Umm, so, lastly…

I know this world can be so cruel to you.

If you are feeling down, please remember:

You moved a lot of people.

You gave them strength.

You inspired them.

You are more than capable of doing it to yourself, too.

But if you feel like you can’t, please reach out. A lot of people will love to be by your side to cheer you up.

If you are feeling down,

please come back to this writing,

and remember, you are loved. And I am just one of many that love you.

 

Happy birthday, Ahel.

 

Love,

Jiji