A few years ago, I made a decision I thought was not normal.

I did this “social-media unfollowing spree”. I muted some people so I wouldn’t have to see their posts on my timeline. I blocked some words that might affect me negatively. Things were not going well for me then, and I did not want to spice them up with baseless speculations and assumptions about other people that I could not even prove.

But now that I think about it, especially after encountering a few people who have made the same choice, that very decision is hardly uncommon at all. The truth is, with the line between virtual reality and “real” reality getting even more blurry, it might be something that you have to do to make you feel safe and at home when you surf the endless and borderless world of the internet.

My unfollowing spree first started when my circle of friends fell out with this one person. I am unsure that falling out is the proper term since they would still wear their friendliest smiles whenever they saw her. Including me, for some time. This made me uncomfortable because if I considered one as a friend, I would instead go all out telling her what had been agonizing me so we could straighten things up. Who knows that it might be a misunderstanding after all.

But I couldn’t do it because most of my friends, apparently, wanted to stay away from potential confrontations and just avoid her if possible. Since the problems involved each and every one of us, I just could not tell her what was wrong without mentioning others’ names.

It was nauseating. Everyone would be just lovely and kind to her when she was around, but all we did was talk behind her back when she was gone. It’d be a lie to say I did not enjoy it back then. We all have sinned to the zest of gossiping, after all. This situation, however, should better not last forever.

Still, I was feeling goddamn stuck, especially since she started disturbing my pace of work and no one — including me — wanted to do something about it. I think my silent agitation started to show, and she somehow knew it.

Then I started to notice something. This person used to like whatever I posted on my Instagram. Out of the blue, she stopped doing it. She even went far by liking my photo and disliking it a moment after. She still liked and commented on all of my other friends’ posts, though, and it made me feel like I was being sacrificed to save everyone else’s face. But then, what the f, why do I have to be bothered whether she liked my posts or not? Whether she liked me or not? I even secretly applauded her for making the first move.

This, however, went a bit further into some silent, inevitable social media showdown. I wanted my social media to be private and become my safe haven. Before I realized it, I unfollowed her. She did the same. There was no bickering, agreements, or physical contact whatsoever. We just knew we did not get along, and that was all.

My friends still tried to spam me with her latest pics and all, but I told them, loud and clear, I guess:

“I unfollowed her on Instagram for a reason. Don’t send me anything about her, especially if all you want to do is just make me badmouth her,” I said. “Whatever it is, I am not going to participate.”

Let her do whatever. Let her be happy with her life. We have drawn this boundary. I don’t see the point of laughing at her posts, being salty, or being negatively impacted by them.

And this, my friends, makes me addicted. Social media anxiety is real. People can make you insecure when they post something on their platform, while you are actually just okay with them in real life. People can make you insecure by either doing something or doing nothing. Even knowing their presence among people who follow you on your social media can make you uneasy about posting stuff you’d like to post. If you mentally have some issues, some words, pics, or interactions might trigger you into the spiralling webs of overthinking, self-blaming, regrets, envy, etc. I didn’t think I could handle these negative emotions at that moment.

So, I decided to say goodbye to gossip accounts. Buh-bye Lambe Turah and the likes and your judgmental comments over someone’s life we know nothing about. Goodbye, people that I no longer talked to. I knew we both wanted this but was too proud to make the first move. Goodbye, conspiracists. Goodbye to those who like to attack other people personally. Get a life, dude. Sorry, some friends who are just enjoying your life; I had to mute you until I felt a bit better and strong enough to face reality.

Goodbye, me, who is too scared to check on her own social media accounts.

Honestly, now I feel liberated by the fact that my social media accounts are filled with people I care about and with filtered information. Am I running away? You bet. But real life is too much already, and I don’t need a virtual jungle of negativity, which, oftentimes, I created myself with my way of thinking and perceiving things.

So, lastly, if any of you happen to land on this writing and want to mute or unfriend me, go ahead. I, too, can be toxic to others. It may be my decision to just be faithful to who I am, but if me being myself upsets you or something, it’s your call to unfriend me. It does not make us strangers or prevent us from interacting with one another in real life.

No. You don’t miss anything by unfriending your friends on social media, muting people, or blocking some keywords from popping up in your timeline. In fact, it may help keep your sanity intact.