Whew, and finally done. I just revamped my whole blog, hoping to be more motivated to write. I’m not sure if it’s going to work, though. You know, this was just like that ritual of cleaning and tidying your desk, wishing that once it was done, you could be more productive—but you ended up finding a long-lost item, and you started losing focus.

Anyway, it’s been a while since I wrote for this blog. I did post sometimes, but they were mostly scribbles I posted on my Instagram, which I compiled once and stored here. This blog is a vessel for my literary memories.

But when I came back to do some tweaking, a lot of things had changed (I at least last tinkered with this blog four years ago). It kinda pisses me off that we no longer have access to plugins unless we pay. And it is pretty noticeable that only a few people are left now.

Understandable, though. These days, time can be cruel for technology companies. What was once considered a novelty expired before we even grasped its familiarity. Trend dictates everything, and people can get quickly bored.

But don’t worry, WordPress. You still have me. I guess I am now considered an “old soul” for refusing to move on from you. Familiarity is becoming increasingly important to me as I grow older. After all, you store a 12-year history of my writing, even before I migrated my blog here. So, let’s grow old together.

Speaking about the vessel of literary memory, as someone who grew up in the transition period, I have to say goodbye to a lot of things: real-world pen pals, Yahoo Messenger, Blackberry Messenger, Friendster, Path… and who knows when I will lose this space I just promised to grow old together.

So, I compiled and revised all my English poems and prose in a document during my free time. Then, it crossed my mind that I could turn it into an ebook or even print it later for my own enjoyment.

The thing is one of my friends suggested that I submit my poem for a magazine. But for what? I am writing primarily as a reflection, a medium to understand myself and everything around me, and as a form of therapy. I might be sharing my poems on my Instagram, but it is also for memory’s sake. Given the lukewarm reaction I usually receive, I don’t think I am a good poet. And I never really look for an audience besides myself. That is why my writings can be too personal or even oversharing.

But I won’t be lying; I was tempted and started looking for platforms that would accept beginner poems from non-native speakers. However, they all have this one requirement I can never meet: the works submitted should never have been published, even on my personal blog and social media account.

And when I started compiling my poems and prose, again, I got this crazy idea to self-publish and make them available for free. I designed the book myself with the help of DALL-E (I am sorry, I cannot pay human artists, especially for personal, non-profit projects). I read all the guidelines out there and decided to aim for Google Play Book because it’s the only platform I know that offers to publish books with no cost and readers can also grab them for free. I deliberated others, too, but since some are way too complicated and I am not that ambitious, I removed them from the list.

But after a seven-day review, Google decided I didn’t have the right to my poems. Lol. Well, maybe because my blog is live, but whatever. No regret. I am not really into it. All I want is to have them compiled as an ebook, and self-publishing is just a bonus.

I am happy enough with the pet project that I worked on in my free time. The fact that I can convey what is on my mind is already enough of a trophy for me. Especially given that my job as a journalist requires me to write all the time, even thinking about writing is already tiring.

But since I already worked on it (happily), I would at least drop them here. Actually, the fact that there are fewer people here these days makes me feel much more secure. I guess my introversion is already hitting an unhealthy level, haha.

I chose “The Weight of Air” as the title because it represents how the intangible sometimes affects us tremendously. There are 30 poems (and prose) inside that I divided into five chapters:

Chapter One: “The Courage to Speak” is the bravery of sharing your thoughts and feelings.

Chapter Two: “Mirrors and Shadows” talks about the battles we fight within, the questions we ask ourselves about who we are, and the journey through the labyrinth of pains and healing that defines our being. Most of my poems are in this chapter.

Chapter Three: “Silent Screams” opens up conversations on topics like toxic relationships, women’s rights, and caring for our planet. It’s about speaking up on things that often stay quiet.

Chapter Four: “Our Changing Seasons” reflects on how relationships grow and change over time, capturing the sweet and bitter sides of love and connection.

Chapter Five: “Life’s Mosaics” compiles my prose, mostly on moments that make us stop and think about the past, the joy of now, and the simple things that mean a lot.

I might be wrong but I think all of them were also published on this blog.

Okay, that sums it all. If you are interested, have a free time, want to add random stuff to your e-reader library, you can download the .epub here:

Thank you for reading up to this point. Have a great week, everyone!