Here comes another thaw,
from your firm verdicts
and judging gaze,
and as I try
to eschew the pain
I wonder—
what else I did wrong—
what nonsense
should I have not spat,
which landmine
did I step on,
what kind of gestures
I made
that rubbed you wrong?

I looked in the mirror,
in self-defense, I said,
“But I learned and did my best.”
Yet behind the glass,
I replied,
“No, look at all these failures,
I just lack
beyond saving.”

So I replace
my mouth, eyes, ears,
every limb and joint,
down to fingers.
I keep tinkering
with parts that do not fit—
yet comes another pang,
and I wish
I could oust
my brain and heart,
find a new lung
because, frankly,
it’s getting harder
to breathe.

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